i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
