In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
