i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
