thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
