I bet he comes in French.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
