i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
