And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
