I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
