In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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