ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
