508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
