My liver just broke up with me...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
