WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
