She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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