why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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