a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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