guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
