for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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