I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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