ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
