I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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