omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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