hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
