So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
