I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
