well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
