i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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