Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
