Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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