I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
