you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
