he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
