Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
