naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
