dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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