Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
