just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
