My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
