why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
