Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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