tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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