I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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