Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
