he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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