me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
