is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
