I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
