I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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