It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
