I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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