We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
