The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
NoShamevember. You game?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
