Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
