I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
