I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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