how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
